Tuesday, 25 October 2011

Rihanna's 'Rude Boy' - Translated

In the spirit of Rob Delaney's beautiful take-down of Katy Perry's Last Friday Night...

Come on rude boy, boy

Can you get it up

Impolite gentleman, can you maintain an erection?

Come here rude boy, boy

Is you big enough

Discourteous young man, have you ever wondered about girth?

Take it, take it

Baby, baby

Take it, take it

Love me, love me

(An offering of affection to an infant).

Come here rude boy, boy

Can you get it up

Come here rude boy, boy

Is you big enough

Take it, take it

Baby, baby

Take it, take it

Love me, love me

Bad-mannered male adolescent, are you sure about that erection thing? Will it definitely be large enough for my vagina to actually feel anything? Ah, you can go ahead and fuck me anyway.

Tonight

I'mma let you be the captain

Tonight

I'mma let you do your thing, yeah

Tonight

I'mma let you be a rider

Giddy up

Giddy up

Giddy up, babe

I booked us on a cruise. We leave tonight. Although you don’t have to come. (But you do have to have to engage in horseplay).

Tonight

I'mma let it be fire

Tonight

I'mma let you take me higher

Tonight

Baby we can get it on, yeah

we can get it on, yeah

I haven’t tested the smoke detectors for a while. I will let you pump me full of rohypnol. Newborn, let’s have sex!

Do you like it boy

I wa-wa-want

What you wa-wa-want

Give it to me baby

Like boom, boom, boom

What I wa-wa-want

Is what you wa-wa-want

Na, na-aaaah

Are you satisfied, young chap? I am a submissive female. Present it to me like a bomb. It is what I desire. And it’s also what you would like too. Na, na-aaaah.

Come here rude boy, boy

Can you get it up

Come here rude boy, boy

You should Is you big enough

Take it, take it

Baby, baby

Take it, take it

Love me, love me

I am still unsure about the possibility of you obtaining tumescence. But I’m still willing to give it a go.

Come here rude boy, boy

Can you get it up

Come here rude boy, boy

Is you big enough

Take it, take it

Baby, baby

Take it, take it

Love me, love me

We’ve been at it for a while now and I am still uncertain about your manhood. Take this child.

Tonight

I'mma give it to you harder

Tonight

I'mma turn your body out

Relax

Let me do it how I wanna

If you got it

I need it

And I'mma put it down

I got so fed up with staring at your genitals, waiting for something to happen, that I went out and bought a strap-on. I intend to perform surgery on you with this device. I’m done with being submissive. If you got it. I must have bedroom toys. I like picking them up and putting them down again.

Buckle up

I'mma give it to you stronger

Hands up

We can go a little longer

Tonight

I'mma get a little crazy

Get a little crazy, baby

We’re back to horseplay. This time, with ketamine. Hive five! I gave you some Viagra! Possess a delusional toddler.

Do you like it boy

I wa-wa-want

What you wa-wa-want

Give it to me baby

Like boom, boom, boom

What I wa-wa-want

Is what you wa-wa-want

Na, na-aaaah

Do you approve lad? I’m happy to do whatever you want to do. Bestow the good sex upon me. I wish to reaffirm that I am completely submissive.

Come here rude boy, boy

Can you get it up

Come here rude boy, boy

Is you big enough

Take it, take it

Baby, baby

Take it, take it

Love me, love me

After all we’ve been through together, I still find you offensive and doubt the probability of your penis entering my vagina. I urge you to desire me.

I like the way you touch me there

I like the way you pull my hair

Babe, if I don't feel it I ain't faking

No, no

I like when you tell me kiss it there

I like when you tell me move it there

Oh! Progress! I enjoy the way you’re convinced I’m wearing a wig. I have never faked an orgasm. No, no. I enjoy being told to perform oral sex. I like being guided with the strap-on.

So giddy up

Time to giddy up

You say you're a rude boy

Show me what you got now

ARE YOU A MAN OR A HORSE?!

Come here right now

Can I borrow you for a moment?

Take it, take it

Baby, baby

Take it, take it

Love me, love me

I am bribing an infant to worship me.

Come on rude boy, boy

Can you get it up

Come here rude boy, boy

Is you big enough

Take it, take it

Baby, baby

Take it, take it

Love me, love me

I am experiencing déjà vu of a sexual nature.

Come here rude boy, boy

Can you get it up

Come here rude boy, boy

Is you big enough

Take it, take it

Baby, baby

Take it, take it

Love me, love me

Love me

Love me

Love me

Love me

Love me

Love me

Take it, take it

Baby, baby

Take it, take it

Love me, love me

Love me

Love me

Love me

Love me

Love me

Love me

yeh yeh yeh

Take it, take it

Baby, baby

Take it, take it

Love me, love me.

LOVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!