Please take a moment to read this guide to understanding the introverted.
May I draw your attention in particular to:
For me most days it feels like all of you guys are Party Cat.
Given enough notice, time to get my head round it, and clear space in my diary, I can be like this:
Without these conditions in place, however, I end up feeling like this:
(You should check out the rest of Nedroid's stuff by the way, as it's awesome).
Ok, come back now.
Every summer I say it's going to be different, and every summer is the same. My diary's packed. No, I'm not showing off about how 'popular' I am (har), it's more indicative of how I find it difficult to say 'no'.
Things run through my head like, "What if I never get an opportunity like this again?" "What if my friends stop asking me out if I turn them down?" "It's my duty as daughter/Aunt/Sister etc" "This is what other, 'normal' people do all the time, go along and 'have fun'!"
This week alone I've had 3 social events in a row and next week - which I pre-booked as time off FOR MYSELF - is taken up with 3 more.
I think something's in danger of giving. I don't know if I'm going to end up lashing out at some poor sod ("STOP ASKING ME OUT FOR DRINKS YOU INCONSIDERATE PLUM!"...yeah, that'll go down well) or cave in, trembling under my duvet for a few days to recover.
Also, I don't have the kind of income for this lifestyle. I work a four day week, largely because I value time alone to read books. Cheap. Free. Relaxing.
I've been taking on more lie berry shifts to cope this summer, and don't get me wrong, I love both my jobs, but it means more time with people, which means more zapping of my energy.
In addition to this there's the subject of the CHRONIC PAIN. I don't live in Brighton anymore, I live in 'Hove, actually', so factor in the extra walking (I don't get the bus, with my reasoning being on foot you can run from the creepers but on the bus you're stuck with 'em). Pain pain pain.
I love my friends and family dearly, I just need notice about things so I can mentally prepare, physically prepare with yoga/meds if necessary(!) and for people to not abandon me if I skip a few things or I drop off the radar for a while.
So anyway, I've explained to you guys now, but the problem remains of how to explain to my non-internetty pals. "I just need to be alone," sounds like a feeble excuse for missing out on a shindig (not to mention diva-ish), or if I grumble about money people offer to pay for drinks which makes me feel grateful but incredibly awkward. Most of the time I do have the money, I'd just rather spend it on tat off eBay or chocolate...alone time things.
So what the hell do I say?